Circus Giganticus

A Slanted Look at our Twisted World

Circus Giganticus header image 2

First Try with Second Sight

October 11th, 2009 · 3 Comments · Sci-Fi, The Side Show

I’m thumbing through The Psychic Book of the Psychical Psychic and I come to the part that asks “How Psychic Am I?” There follows a series of questions concerning past psychic experiences and present psychic experiences. The reader is to examine each question and check an accompanying box if the reader has experienced the described psychic event. At the end of the questions, the checked boxes are to be added up to provide the answer to just exactly how psychic you are. I went ahead and answered the questions in short answer format to better gauge the depth and character of my psychic abilities.

Some of the questions are as follows: When you were a child, did you have companions that only you could see? No, but I had companions I couldn’t stand to see. Have you ever seen or sensed a ghost? No, but I have summoned spirits…”Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, appear before me!” Have you ever felt unable to enter a room or building because you couldn’t bear the unpleasant atmosphere? Yeah, but you can’t beat Wal-Mart’s everyday low prices. Have you ever thought about someone and then immediately received a phone call from them? “Bartender! Tell her I’m not here!” Have you ever noticed strong smells, which might have had a special significance for you that no one else could detect? Yes, these strong smells have special significance but no they didn’t go undetected. Have you ever had a premonition that worked out exactly as you predicted?Photobucket”  Barstool, happy hour, ice cold beer…exactly as I’d predicted! Do you sometimes know who’s on the other end of the phone before you pick it up? Yes, they call all the time and they’re called creditors. Do you have a special affinity with animals? No, but I know a beast with an Infiniti. Do you believe in the power of the mind over the body? No, I believe in universal healthcare where a skilled mind will treat my body. Do the palms of your hands ever tingle when you’re with people who are ill? Yes, they tingle with the swarm of germs I just contracted from those pestilent swine! Do you trust your hunches, especially when investing money? Yes, this phenomenon is called the seventh race at Churchill Downs. Do you believe in angels and fairies, even if you have never seen one of them? No. Angels and fairies should believe in me even after they see me.

Well, I checked my score and it wasn’t so good. With such a low score I was urged to remember:  Don’t give up hope. You may be blocking some of your psychic impressions for some reason. On the other hand, you may be just some reeking bag of insensate brute stupid meat. We’re not wasting any psychic energy on a pus bag like you so we won’t really tell you! Ha!

There are, I believe, a range of common psychic events experienced and recognized by many. Herewith is a partial list.

  • The “I knew that asshole was going to do that” future vision. The time is 7:30 p.m., your friend hasn’t returned your car at 5:00 like he said he would. Suddenly, your inner voice says, “I knew that asshole was going to do that!” Your inner voice further foretells the future: “I’m going to kill that sonofabitch!”
  • The “predetermined destiny.” It’s hot in here, your head is pounding, you feel dehydrated. My god, it is only 10:30 a.m.! You know the second you get out of work you’re heading to the bar and getting rid of this hangover! It’s a clear case of “predetermined destiny.”
  • Reading the “brown sphincter aura.” You can’t believe what an asshole your boss is. He’s raining verbal shit down on you, you look at him…and you see it! A brown, pulsing sphincter aura, you can read this aura…Yes! He’s an asshole!
  • The “Oh, shit, not again!” déjà vu vacuum. You stumble in late, reek awafting, nose aglow. Your significant other takes one look at you and groans, “Oh shit, not again!”

Now add up your score and find out your degree of psychic ability, write it down and throw it away. Yes, I foresaw you doing that.

Tags: ···

3 Comments so far ↓

  • mr.bojangles

    who in the hell is reading this is Canada? The Czech Republic? Christ, don’t they have anything better to do? And why didn’t you know I was going to write this? best regards-Mr. bj.

  • V ince

    HeHe I thought the end was better than the middle.? Hmm

  • admin

    What card am I holding facedown, V ince?

Leave a Comment