Circus Giganticus

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Money! A Capital Idea!

November 5th, 2009 · 1 Comment · Wentworth and Wiggmann Wednesday

Wentworth: Look at this article in the Wall Street Journal, Wiggy. Apparently the wealthy have an ongoing fear about wealth protection. They must hire ranks of private security contractors to shield it, bury it deep in subterranean vaults to stash it, route it into untraceable foreign accounts to hide it. They also must hire hordes of lobbyists to game the political system in order to pay less money to those who actually earn this wealth for them. Wiggy, when I wake up in the morning I don’t dedicate my day to enslaving others to provide for me. I don’t engage in machinations to manipulate the political system for personal gain at the expense of the common man. I don’t go through life with some rat-gnawing phobia about keeping my wealth from the clutches of unwashed humanity. No, Wiggy, I wake each day and ease into it. I passively anticipate what the day holds for me. I marvel at nature and my fellow humans. My days are spent reading at the public library and in earnest observation of society, architecture, human relations, anything and everything around me. I work to live I do not live to work. I provide myself with enough to impart dignity to my life and I provide for my own intellectual and spiritual needs. I don’t outsource these things nor rely on others to earn or provide them to me. I try to live a life of simple personal splendor.

Wigmann: Worthy, you make it pleasant to be a peasant.

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Wiggmann: Worthy, what a vast array of peanut butter on this, my grocer’s shelf. There are, let’s see…twenty-six different varieties. How is one to select prudently?

Wentworth: Well first we must define broad categories such as texture; do we want smooth or chunky. Then we must consider price; do we want the bargain brand or what is referred to as “gourmet?” Packaging is also an essential consideration: do we want to entrust our selection to familiarity with the winsome little figure on this label, or the comical animal on that label, or the snob appeal of this label? Placement on the shelf may also sway us to this brand or that brand. Is there a peanut butter commercial ricocheting through our craniums? Let us pray not but such must be considered. Is size is an issue. Do we want this modest little jar or this capacious tub? Finally, is there a brand with which we emotionally identify? Do we associate one brand with happy memories and good times? This must all be weighed and considered in the selection process, Wiggy.

Wiggmann: Why is overwhelming consumer choice so nettlesome in the grocery store and so welcome in the liquor store?

Wentworth: Think of the grocery store as Satan’s blandishments and the liquor store as God’s will. You will find your way my son.

Wiggmann: Amen to gin whatever the brand.

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Wiggmann; Wentworth, you seem to have forgotten the, eh, money I lent you which you said you would repay me this month.

Wentworth: Was that a calendar month or a synodical month? Perhaps I meant a Mayan month. And was the world created in seven twenty-four days? This would be pertinent in this case. Maybe it was a figurative month, you know, “I’ll pay you in a month” when what was really meant was that I’ll pay you back when convenient for me, the loan being between friends. In a month’s time you might have forgotten about the loan entirely which might have been the contractual basis of this loan. Maybe I said, “I’ll pay in a month’s time” meaning that between the time the money was borrowed and the time it is to be repaid there exists an intervening grace month with that being in effect currently. Or maybe I meant a specific month such as August..

Wiggmann: Worthy your wealth protection trumps my wealth detection.

Wentworth: Elementary indeed, Watson. Let us decamp for a cocktail. I seem to be short of funds so I’ll be your guest.

Wiggnann: No more Wall Street Journal for you. You’re too quick a study.

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One Comment so far ↓

  • mr.bojangles

    well I will be dipped in fecal material and hoist on my own petard(lifted up by my own internal explosion-if you must know.) When you enquired about doing a web-zine years ago I should have realized that you found the medium that fit you. Great stuff. Keep it coming. How’s your liver? best regards-mr. bj.

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